I'm sitting here, I should be studying
Lazing around in my pajamas, I'm going to get no work done today
I want coffee. Good morning world!
I've been thinking about all these things I want to do. I want to graduate from Biomedical Science, I want to work as a paramedic and make sure for me that I can do this, I know I can, but I need to prove it for myself. And then I want to go to med-school. I'm going to sit GAMSAT, I might fail at first, but eventually I'll pass, eventually. I want to be a surgeon, so I can be the last line of defence for someone, so I can maybe bring their body back from a point of near certain death, or maybe to hold a beating human heart, to feel that organ, the one responsible for pumping this beautiful liquid around the body. That liquid, boy that liquid is like magic, blood, the single most important thing in our survival I believe. Or maybe I want to be a forensic pathologist, speak for the dead, tell their final story, help get bad people off the street, bring peace to the living, see the human body in its most placid state, and revive in it the final hours of life, let them say the last words they didn't have a chance to.
I want to write, and draw, and paint. I want someone to see my work, whether they be the words or the images, I want someone to see them and feel just for a moment, the way I felt when I saw my favourite band step out on stage for the first time, or the way I feel when I look upon the face of one of Botticelli's angels, or the way I feel when I read a really good book. That feeling, that you're not alone, that hope exists, that you can escape for a little while, that for a moment the world makes sense. Just that feeling.
I want to let someone experience that feeling, like you're heart is exploding, and breaking, and pounding, but you wouldn't change it for a thing. I want someone to know that, and because of what I do.
You know what else I want, and I keep telling myself I don't, because I don't think I'll ever get it and that just hurts. But I'm going to say it now. I want love and family. I want to look back and know that I was loved and I loved, just the same way that my grandparents managed it. And I want to see a kid and know that I raised that kid, that they are everything they could be, that they are happy, that they had a chance, and that's because of me. And I want to look back on my life and know that I was happy. I want to be happy.
I want to be better