Saturday, December 19, 2009

The Secret

I told you to go and you went
I told you to go and you went

this is the best thing that could happen
i always knew this day would come
you hold so much control over me
even now
when youv left me
when you havnt spoken to me
when youv denied time and time again
you hold so much control over me

i no longer know where you live
what you do for a living
who your dating or your friends with
they ask me who my best friend is and i say
I dont have one

It cant come off harsh
i wish it could
i wish i could forget you
i wish - i wish i could hate you

Two months ago i told my friend
its okay its not that bad you know
feeling this way about someone who doesnt feel it back
im just glad i can feel this way about someone
i would never wish to not feel this way
but i just want it gone
i cant take it
you hurt me soo much
i just want it to stop
please please make it stop
My angel
id give you anything
but you leave me here alone at the verge of tears
wanting to run away
wanting to my bag and escape
maybe i can catch some shipping boat
fill my bag with stolen fruit
live somewhere in europe
learn the tongue
be free escape this
just draw with charcoal pencils
and paint with ink
carry in my bag my sketcher and some soap
sleep in a different bed each night
leave before sunrise

i could do it you know
i want to do it
cant i have it one way
someone who loves me enough to care for me
or noone who cares
why why does it have to be somewhere in the middle
why do i have to care so much if i hurt them
they all hurt me

and you
your the angel im most worried about
the child i could never leave
the child id watch over if you asked me to abandon you
the one that tears me apart
because she lives
because she does what i want her to
because everything you do
every single thing - it both makes me happy and even more kills me
you my precious beautiful angel will be the reason for my demise

and of all the things to care over
that fact is the thing i care about least

Lord why do you make me love her so
why angel do you allow me to love you so